My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
