You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
