I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
handjob tips. give me some.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
