Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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