she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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