I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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