jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
