Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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