P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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