We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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