I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
