thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
