I could make wine with my vomit
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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