Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
