I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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