I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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