The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
