dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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