I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
