I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize