Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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