Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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