I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
