he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
