I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
