I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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