you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
