I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
