Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
