C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
love makes seman taste better
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
