never play flip cup with pint glasses
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
