walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
