you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
