When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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