Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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