genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is Oprah even human
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
