I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
