i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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