he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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