i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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