i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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