everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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