My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
