We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
