I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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