why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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