Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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