Cold hands, warm shart.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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