This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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