You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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