I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
