All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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