u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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