You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
