Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
