the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
