The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
