I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
