all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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