This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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