I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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