oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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