Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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