All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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