They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the condom got lost in my hair
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
